Ekla Chalo Re

This, perhaps, might be the trivialization of a poem written during more intense times, but I couldn't think of a better title. Today, this call given by Tagore way back in 1905 was reinforced in my mind a little more, in a small, personal way.

The first time I learned this lesson was way back in 2003. After being let down on three different occasions by friends, I was almost going to miss watching a movie I had really been looking forward to - Love Actually. Until on a whim, I decided to chuck waiting for anyone to join in and marched off by myself to watch it in Globus Cinema in Bandra. The rows ahead of me were empty - I stretched out my footwear-less feet on the seats ahead, a la Aamir Khan in Rangeela, guffawed and laughed and sighed unto myself, and basically had a good time. Till date, it remains one of my all-time favourite mush movies and I've lost count of the number of times I've seen it.

A few years later, in 2006, was Omkara. This was a little different. I saw it in a mini-theatre in which there only two women in the audience - the other one was with her boyfriend. Didn't help my awkwardness that the movie started off (and continued with) juicy desi expletives. But I survived. And again, really enjoyed the movie - its darkness, the strong performances, the haunting music that kept growing on me. My mum was horrified at the idea of me watching it alone, asked me if I was nuts, and gave me a stern warning to never do it again. But I had just smiled in response.

A few movies/plays in between that I can't recollect, and then was DevD in 2009, while I was in my final term on campus. Again, a friend ditched me, in favour of watching it with a group, and I ended up thanking him for enabling me to enjoy that intense a movie by myself. He thought I was being sarcy, but I was only grateful. Being alone let me soak into the movie completely, and into its intoxicating music, the way it had been woven into the plot that the character couldn't have but sung/felt the song at that time. Oh I watched it a second time with Srikrishnan, but that's a different story.

This keeda had begun much earlier - in Class 11 and 12 - I used to go off to college fests by myself, when most of my classmates didn't want to venture out as much. Over many such events, places, and movies, Ekla Chalo Re ran like an anthem in my head, though not in those exact words. And today, but for this anthem, I would've missed what was one of my purest, finest brushes with art. I first fell in love with Gulzaar's words when I listened to 'Iss mod se jaate hain...', and understood it fully in spirit. From then on I haven't ceased to be amazed at the beauty of his creations. Right from that and 'Tere Bina Zindagi se koi...'to 'O Saathi re', 'Naina', and 'Namak Ishq ka', I have lost count of the number of songs I have been smitten by and he's written (yes, almost always the former has happened before I discover the latter) But to hear and see it live - simple words dancing evocatively to an unsung melody - is quite something. His voice is deeper than I'd thought. And every syllable he speaks is felt - by his lips and emotions alike. As someone who writes poetry herself, I was taken in by how effortlessly he conjured delicious imagery out of thin air - painting a picture of a lonely forest at one time, a shy ,timid bride at another, and a son asking innocent questions to his mother at yet another. The credit here, of course, should first go to Tagore. The vision in all of the poems recited today was his, as was the imagery. But to be able to bring it alive in a different language is also the work of a masterful artist. And Gulzaar did that. He brought Tagore to all of us who had hitherto been held back by the barrier of language. The recital left me with a placid mind and a delighted smile for many hours after that. To think I was almost going to miss this because whomever I asked couldn't come (or didn't want to come) for one reason or another. Yes, thank you, Chikku for urging me to buy the ticket anyway. :)

That was a slight, indulgent diversion. But my point remains. If no one can see where you are headed and why, go on anyway. They may or may not follow. Either way, you've gained something. At a deeper, philosophical level (which I love slipping into, be warned) we are all alone in our journeys, on our paths.

And so, 'If they answer not to thy call walk alone...', Ekla Chalo re.

Carrot over the stick

The other day my mind was wreaking havoc. So much turbulence and frustration welling up inside that I could not bear to look at the comp screen, or even listen to music on it. Strong desire to run away, from everything. Or tearing my hair apart, for reasons that floated about wearily. I've felt this way before. Every time I've tried a different trick to deal with it - usually talking to a close friend, taking a walk, having a cup of coffee, or writing. This time though, I just
suddenly felt like trying Mindfulness - effects of an article I'd recently read(a beautiful, compelling one - thanks to Nandu for passing it on! Find it here - http://www.lifepositive.com/Spirit/Buddhism/Miracle_Mindfulness.asp)

Decided to pick up a cool carrot straight out of the refrigerator. Peeled it quickly and sat down with it on a chair in my room, with the door shut. Next 5 minutes or so were spent entirely with the carrot - there was no world outside of us. I held it in my hand, gazed and stared at the different patterns of cream embedded just beneath the layer of the glistening red. I felt grateful that it existed and was with me at that moment. Took a small, crunchy bite. Felt my teeth gleefully crushing the juicy piece. Relished the taste thoroughly.

When I was done, the effect was instantaneous. The turbulence was replaced by a uniform calm. For the rest of the evening(and night), over conversations or thoughts that could've easily brought the frustration back, I felt serenity - like a thin wall of energy layering my consciousness, keeping negativity or angst from touching it. Felt powerful and at peace.

Mindfulness is grossly underestimated. And so are carrots.

One Fine Day

One Fine Day it never happens,
One Fine Day it seldom begins.
One Fine Day is too far away,
One Fine Day is not even a day.

One Fine Day is a shoddy excuse,
One Fine Day is the present's abuse.
One Fine Day is a euphemistic goodbye,
One Fine Day ensures you never try.

One Fine Day no one will care,
One Fine Day you won't even dare.
One Fine Day means you won't ever,
One Fine Day is laziness being clever.

One Fine Day is as vague as it gets,
One Fine Day is inviting regrets.
One Fine Day is to put ideas to bed,
One Fine Day you and I will be dead.

A dialogue within (I) | Body talk

'I belong to you, you belong to me'
'Oh really?!', screamed my body.
'You don't relate to me much,
nor take good care as such.
Where are you when I cry out in pain,
trying to get your attention in vain?!'

'I'm right here, and I want to listen.
With vitality I will make you glisten.
Just talk to me aloud and speak out,
instead of sulking with a pout.'

'My ways are many and subtle,
often making you run and scuttle.
The pain that bothers you so,
is my voice, didn't you know?!
The more you ignore, the louder I will yell;
my story the agony will tell.
If you take a moment or two to be still,
I will talk to you; I will.

Doctors are needed not,
right here lies what you've sought.
Breathe, and allow us to reconnect,
never letting yourself disconnect.
For if you do,
let me warn you,
it will get worse -
you have seen me rehearse!
Come back to me and love me like before;
we shall stem the tide and reach the shore.

It's mutual care, my dear.
Why store pain and fear?!
Set me free and I shall do likewise;
together in harmony we shall rise,
towards good health, energy, and zest.
Let me govern, give your mind some rest.:)'

'You speak so true, and I hear you now.
To your wisdom, I humbly bow.
I will pause and listen every once in a while
Keep talking, body, in your inimitable style!'

A dialogue within (II) | Mind matters

'It's amazing how much you control me;
I want some peace, but you just won't let me be!
Pushing and pulling in every possible way,
you tire me out every single day.
Though you're in me, you have a life of your own;
I can't remember when these seeds I'd sown!'

'You sowed these seeds everytime you let me go -
Allowed me to turn from a friend into a foe.
I'm restless and fidgety and needed to be whacked.
But instead, my whims you merrily backed.
Even some loving discipline would've done,
but you let me recklessly run.
And so now I no longer ask;
My impulses I enticingly mask'.

'Entice you do, take me on many a manipulative trip,
until on my emotions I have zero grip.
You create fanciful worlds, complex games, and drama,
but heeding you creates such a hungama!
I want to take charge, give shape to my life,
not let your volatile swings fill me with strife.'

'You can do that, my dear', said my mind,
'Some stillness and solitude you must find.
Let me jump around while you sit and observe.
Be my master, let me serve.
Meditation and awareness will get you there,
absolute responsibility you must bear.
For left to me, I won't give up control;
you risk a burning heart, a crying soul.
So seize power, seize it now!
Show me who's the boss, make me bow.'

'Oh mind, I set off on this quest again!
This time though, not in vain.
The pursuit of mastery is an on-going one;
riddled with challenges, sprinkled with fun.
You shall aid my growth, not impede it.
I will keep you in check, agile and fit.
You are a worthy ally once I show you your place.
This unique relationship I hereby embrace.'

A dialogue within (III) | Soulspeak

Who am I and who are you?
Questions that are anything but new.
You are oft referenced, but seldom understood.
Do you stand for all that's good?!

'Good and bad are your labels,
I come from the land of fables.
Without a beginning, without an end -
can your mortal mind comprehend?
You and I are separate and yet not,

I am what you have always sought.'
'You confuse me with all this.
Are you saying you are the source of all bliss?
How are we separate; in what ways same?

"You are me", can I not claim?!'
'Try to think and you risk losing sight;
move away from me and you create this plight.
I am to be experienced, not deciphered.

I am the shepherd, you are the herd.
I am a fragment of the divine,
my voice is a Universal sign.
Just like the flame that belongs to a fire,
I am a part of consciousness higher.
But the flame unto itself is also whole,
so is complete every human soul.

Your 'I' is your ego; it makes you 'you,'
weaving reality around your worldview.
Ego keeps you distinct, but also separates;
creates conflicts with the 'others', your earthly mates.
I am your anchor, your link to all that IS,
the timeless connection that is never amiss.
Connect with me, see the miracle unfold;
at every step, your hand I will hold.
I have brought you forth and will take you back.
With soul by your side, there's nothing you lack.'

'Such profundity has come my way -
guide me, oh soul, night and day.
Lift my spirits, make me congruent and whole,
that I may retain the truth as I play my worldly role.

I don't know

'I don't know'
is an excuse
a way of saying 'I don't want to know'
or that I haven't bothered to
nor will I bother right now.

'I don't know'
is a closed door
slapped shut in your face
a way of avoiding further questions
A shrug that's a full-stop.

'I don't know'
is allowing confusion to stay,
vagueness to remain.
'I don't know' is an escape.

But
'I don't know'
can also be an admission of ignorance
a show of humility
like a parent saying
'I might not always know'.
a new beginning -
'I don't know yet,
but I'm willing to find out'.
'I don't know' is opening up
to the world of multiple answers

'I don't know'
can as much be a first step
as the last one.