tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48094799058350293812024-03-13T00:24:49.518-07:00Fluid SpacesCreating my own...merging into others'...on a quest to find more of myself...and hence of the worldAkankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-50663588461611435492018-01-23T23:42:00.001-08:002018-01-23T23:47:20.136-08:00What to do when you don't know what to do<p dir="ltr"><br>1. Get some breathing space. Step back from the situation. Breathe in through your nose, exhale through your mouth. Nice and slow<br><br>
2. Shift your focus. To something or someone else<br><br>
3. Talk to someone whose perspective you value. Someone who helps you clear your head<br><br>
4. Write. Journal. Then journal some more. <br><br>
5. Pray. To whomever or whatever you believe in<br><br>
6. Tell yourself 'This too shall pass'.(Because it will, you know) That you will handle it<br><br>
7. Spend time in nature. Sit at the beach and watch the sunset with your feet in the sand<br><br>
8. Paint your feelings. Let colours be your language<br><br>
9. Take some action, however small, in any direction. At times the roads clear when you start walking on one<br><br>
10. Ask yourself what you <i>really</i>, truly want. Beneath all the surface confusion and conflict. Then go for it<br><br>
11. Have faith. Hold yourself through this. You're not alone<br><br>
</p>
P.S. - Started writing this in August, at a time when I indeed did not know what to do. Got back to complete and post it today when Rhea, one of my students, excitedly asked about my blog, just having learned that I write. Thanks, Rhea. This one's to you. :)<br>Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-61251746548300490252017-03-28T02:45:00.001-07:002017-03-28T02:52:45.497-07:00Loneliness<p dir="ltr">Loneliness, where are you coming from?<br>
You seem like the <u>only</u> companion<br>
Who is around me right now<br>
To listen<br>
To watch<br>
To respond <br>
And share<br>
Never too busy for me, are you?<br>
You follow me like a shadow<br>
Ready to show up<br>
The moment the rest have deserted<br>
How long have I known you?<br>
Do I even remember life without you?</p>
<p dir="ltr">Yes, there have been moments<br>
When I've met myself<br>
And you were nowhere to be seen<br>
I wonder where that girl is now<br>
I'd like her to meet you<br>
Maybe she doesn't know you yet<br>
Maybe she'll say hello the next time<br>
Or maybe she doesn't need to<br>
She seems to have friends already<br>
Or friendship</p>
<p dir="ltr">I've the latter<br>
But often not the former<br>
They are all too busy, most times,<br>
To respond, to listen, to converse<br>
To sit back and share life as it happens<br>
Sometimes I reach out, and that works<br>
But most times I'm disappointed<br>
Waiting<br>
Tired<br>
Dejected<br>
Then I slowly walk back to you</p>
<p dir="ltr">For you see, loneliness, you're the only friend<br>
That I can truly claim to have.</p>
Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-18722381187234159952017-03-08T04:59:00.001-08:002017-03-08T04:59:50.772-08:00This day<p dir="ltr">Why should I look a certain way?<br>
Not wear what I goddamn please?<br>
It's a good day to remind myself<br>
I wasn't born to appease</p>
<p dir="ltr">Not born to fit roles<br>
Pre-defined for me<br>
Nor be this 'good girl'<br>
For the world to see</p>
<p dir="ltr">I'll be uncouth and rough<br>
In the company of raucous friends<br>
Stretch your lines<br>
To see where it ends</p>
<p dir="ltr">Yet I walk cautious<br>
In a public place<br>
Elbows jutting out<br>
Define my space</p>
<p dir="ltr">But now I choose to expand<br>
And claim what was mine<br>
Be it space, voice, or consent<br>
I won't burn to shine</p>
<p dir="ltr">Don't try to contain or define<br>
Who I am or could be<br>
Water, fire, earth or sky<br>
The choice is upto me</p>
<p dir="ltr">On Women's Day (may we never need one)<br>
08 March, 2017</p>
Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-26784375747906124502017-02-28T06:25:00.001-08:002017-02-28T06:27:06.788-08:00Write<p dir="ltr">'Write something', she says,<br>
That insistent voice inside me,<br>
Holds me to ransom for days,<br>
Doesn't let me be.</p>
<p dir="ltr">'Write something, anything,<br>
So long as it's something true.<br>
Please ignore that WhatsApp ping,<br>
Where you seek something new.'</p>
<p dir="ltr">'Write of the sun and moonshine,<br>
Of days dark and ablaze,<br>
Of feeling blue or fine,<br>
Sudden clarity and stubborn haze.'</p>
<p dir="ltr">'Write to share, to vent, to whine,<br>
About matters big and small.<br>
Write to spread some sunshine,<br>
Caught by few, though meant for all'</p>
<p dir="ltr">'Write', she says, 'for heaven's sake'<br>
'Do you want me to just give up on you?<br>
My niggling finger if you do not take,<br>
I'll vanish without a clue.'</p>
<p dir="ltr">So here I am, dear friends,<br>
Putting pen to paper,<br>
Lest my restlessness ends,<br>
And that voice turns to vapour.</p>
Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-39674286562620285992017-01-14T05:16:00.001-08:002017-01-16T05:11:19.926-08:00Desire<p dir="ltr">Desire, thy tentacles are vicious<br>
Slowly crawling up to my heart<br>
A red-hot bullet piercing my chest<br>
Staying buried there<br>
As regret<br>
With the passage of <u><u>time</u></u>.</p>
Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-11980089065956183932014-02-09T10:18:00.000-08:002014-02-09T10:18:44.267-08:00What colour is nostalgia?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br /></div>
Stealthily creeps the feeling <br>
of having been somewhere<br>
With someone<br>
(Not always a literal place)<br>
Of having travelled a distance<br>
Many miles<br>
Or perhaps a few significant steps<br>
Maybe crossed a chasm, together<br>
Now each battling her own chasm<br>
Comes, unannounced, the thrill<br>
of belonging to a community<br>
A kafila, even if for a while<br>
The camaraderie jumps out from<br>
email threads long archived<br>
Smiles back from chats long forgotten<br>
And laughingly pulls you back in time.<br>
It takes a while to regain your present self<br>
The self that has its arms outstretched<br>
towards the past, frozen in a high-five<br>
but finds its feet in today<br>
Rooted, grounded, unable to move.<br>
Unlike time.<br><br>
What colour is nostalgia?<br>
That it drapes you in<br>
Drenches you in<br>
Paints the moment with a hue<br>
that’s happy and sad at once<br>
What shades would you draw from it?<br>
What patterns can you discern? <br>
It’s light in some places, dense in others<br>
But a uniform colour of reminiscence<br>
That leaves you here and there at the same time.<br><br>
So many people have crossed your path<br>
So many whose stories you’ve partaken in<br>
Some Shift+Delete-d with good reason<br>
But existing still on the fringes of your memory<br>
Waiting to be discovered, lurking<br>
(The mind’s no computer; the keys don’t work the same way)<br>
So many others you might have held on to<br>
In intent or stray desire<br>
Too many strands to be holding at once<br>
Each vibrant and colourful<br>
Deserving of rightful attention<br>
If only there were 10 of you<br>
10 lifetimes<br>
24 X 10 hours<br>
Somewhere the roads diverged<br>
without a chance of a hasty bye<br>
Why would you close that<br>
which might bump into you at the next turn?<br>
Lesser still those whom you want to re-meet<br><br>
The phone tells me I’m a call away<br>
from hearing familiar voices<br>
FB tells me it takes a second<br>
to ‘Like’ someone, again<br>
Befriend, reconnect, ‘follow’<br>
But the mind?<br>
The mind takes its own time to build bridges<br>
Over stagnating water of old expectations<br>
now discarded, lying around<br>
To reconcile the idea of a person<br>
Frozen in time long ago<br>
With who he has become now<br><br>
What flavor is nostalgia?<br>
That it stays on your tongue for so long<br>
Salty, bitter-sweet, sour too<br>
Lingering long after the memory is gone<br>
What dish would you whip up with it?<br>
Whose taste would endure<br>
Aroma remain intact<br>
Nay, it will vanish like vapour<br>
into thin air<br>
Leaving you with naught<br>
Save the fragrance on your hands<br><br>
Have you tried plucking an enchanting flower<br>
only to see it wilt in your hands?<br>
Realized it was best left untouched<br>
on the plant, in the garden?<br>
So it is with remembrance<br>
People, places, events<br>
They are a world unto themselves<br>
Sitting smug in their intended spaces<br>
Smiling smug, their unmoved faces<br>
At your retrieval attempts<br>
Parallel Universes, these<br>
Proceed with their routine as you live out yours<br>
Dip in and out at will<br><br>
Sepia, the colour of nostalgia<br>
Sealed in dusty photo-frames<br>
Playing as movies in your head<br>
Kept shining with every replay.<br>
Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-53190127096080870272013-12-12T03:37:00.001-08:002013-12-12T03:37:29.629-08:00The forgotten song<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br /></div>
As we grow older (and not necessarily 'old' :)), we keep forgetting what we knew as children. At least I seem to. Back then, I knew from my heart that solitude kept me happy. Solitude of the kinds where I'd be my own friend and have fun conversations all day. In fact, I was often happier with own my commentary of wit and humour than spending time with many others! My own pure inner voice became synonymous with God. Chatting with God, walking with him...all emerged out of a deep faith and need for comfort, and I daresay realization that he was my best friend. He breathed within me. The Universe, his pure intent. Ah, what a lovely thought! (lovely is the new 'nice'?)
<br>
<br>
So yes, I forgot this as I grew up. I had to keep reminding myself of this. Cries of help from deep within for merry company, turned into loneliness when I didn't always have that. Still does. So when and how did I forget what I knew so well? I've even written poems on this (must.find.the.solitude.one!), so convinced was I about this way of being. Like the rumbling depths of a latent volcano, I still have this buried inside me. I'm trying to unearth it from under the layers of negative thoughts and life experiences that have made me forget my essential truth. That as within, so without. Joy within, joy without. You can't fill this well from the outside. It's a spring that has to be dug out from within, and it will come gushing out merrily. I'm returning to my truth; the child within is guiding me to the light.
</br></br>Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-37142841268976765892011-05-31T12:36:00.001-07:002011-06-01T01:07:15.462-07:00Soul forceI have always wondered how fast personal change is possible, and been apprehensive about the idea of expecting too much in too little. I meant time, but I forgot what intensity could do. When you have been through an experience that packs hours and hours of electrifying stimulation coupled with brilliant people to keep you company, change isn't far off. More on this later.<br />
<br />
SAYC to me, before I actually got there, was an opportunity to meet people from 7 different countries, attend interesting workshops, and basically have a good time. What I was definitely not expecting was a dip into a sparkling pool of ideas, bathing in warm goodness, and emerging dripping with a glowing sense of possibility. A somewhat rejuvenated, refreshed, and recharged me. In small, subtle ways; in big, spectacular surges. At a point when I had been through weeks of considering joining different organizations and being unsure about my own dreams, SAYC has given me new flight. And this time round, the flight is not just of idle ideas - it's rooted in certain deep realizations and finds its wings in some liberating beliefs.<br />
<br />
At every such event, I experiment with different behaviours, set myself some personal challenges, and prepare to be a sponge ready to absorb and learn. The sponge came back this time so full and bursting with insights that I still haven't fully absorbed and internalized all of it. It will take a few more days of silence, stillness, and solitude to take it all in. I will attempt to articulate my biggest learnings - some new, but many old that were reinforced many times over. A few common themes jumped out at me, and I promptly put them away in my jhola for later rumination.<br />
<br />
<b>Walk the talk</b><br />
<br />
If there's one thing that differentiates great people from the trying-to-be-great, it's this. From multiple speeches, conversations with speakers, and quiet observations - I'm thoroughly convinced there is nothing more important than congruence in belief, thought, word, and action. Why is a statement on peace by Sri Sri far more valued than if you or I were to make that same statement? (and in one specific instance, I remember making it too!) Am I coming from the same space of peace and well-being that he is? Have I put in as many years chasing my conviction as Anna Hazare has? Why do some leaders, or even ordinary people, get far more respect than others who keep trying to do similar good work? <br />
<br />
During one of our family-time discussions (we were divided into smaller groups; I was the family leader of a lovely one) it came up that there were people around who called themselves climate champions but did not switch off lights and water taps after them even when repeatedly reminded to do so. That sparked off a discussion on how this becomes the most important quality - walking the talk - in anyone wanting to create change in the world. Would you believe in me if I spoke of peace but was forever at loggerheads with my family, friends, or conflicted within? First the roots, then the wings.<br />
<br />
<b>Small IS beautiful</b> <br />
<br />
In terms of numbers, SAYC had 'just' 70 people, but I can't even begin to describe what these 70 people are capable of doing and already working towards, in their own small ways. Like our shayar Saurabh recently said on FB, 'We are like the scattered rays of a single sun trying to enlighten different parts of the society.' The families were small, as were the steps they committed to taking towards Peace - Within, With Others, and With the Environment. But small beginnings create big waves. The Ripple Effect. :) <br />
<br />
I haven't read up on E.F. Schumacher's theory, but I do believe that starting small, and the smallest unit being the self, is the way to go. It extends to the other units or organizations one is a part of - family, housing society, school, college, company, club...can I start change at this level before thinking of big things? Anyone who protests, 'I alone can't make a difference, so I won't even try.' is only making an excuse for inaction. Be it for sustainable living, peace, ecology, or any other worthy cause, small is the way to go, for a world that is absurdly obsessed with the big in everything.<br />
<br />
<b>The sum of parts is greater than the whole</b><br />
<br />
There are millions of people working at the grassroots working in their own, unique ways towards a better world. What happens when these parts are brought together? The energy generated is dazzling, the assurance and courage one takes back is exhilarating. These things can't be quantified. But even if I take quantifiable work or projects, the power of collaboration is phenomenal. In my 6 days worth of interactions with delegates and speakers at SAYC, I found resources to plug into my school modules on Ecology, Process Thinking, Climate Change; one of the speakers even offered to incubate my idea! Some of the peace initiative ideas generated are already seeing support even from non-participants, and I can't wait to begin working on a cross-border, youth-driven peace initiative. Often, the deep, intangible gains from coming together are felt only in the strength they leave you with, and in the power of what you collectively create.<br />
<br />
<b>Confusion is an inseparable part of growing up, as is resolving it</b><br />
<br />
Beyond all the larger-cause discussions, the personal questions were familiar - Should I do an MBA or take up a job? How do I please my parents while pursuing my passion? Can the social cause and personal stakes go together? Am I the only one who cares about this? What do I do with my life?!<br />
<br />
It is natural to have confusion, and wise to make peace with it while one is still seeking. There were many experienced, learned people there to provide answers, but the ones whom I found profound where the ones who merely pointed at a direction and suggested ways of addressing the questions. We all have to find our own answers, discover our own truth. My answers, just like my life circumstances, will be different from yours. I cannot but live by it. Prolonged confusion is a terribly energy sapper, and so beyond seeking responses and assurances outside, one has to confront one's own truth. It lies deep within. People will help uncover it, but are you willing to face it?<br />
<br />
<b>The power of possibilities</b><br />
<br />
If you're armed with cynicism as your only contribution, I have no qualms saying goodbye. Healthy criticism is one thing and enthu-deflating cynicism is quite another. In our brilliant speaker Ranjan Mallik's terminology, I would rather be a 'fool' than a conformist non-fool. The usual way of being is killing the planet, pitting us against one another. It is possibilities that have challenged and changed the status quo, and I hope all participants go back powered with that sense just as I do.<br />
<br />
<b>'If you judge people, you have no time to love them'</b><br />
<br />
This quote by Mother Teresa has become my reality. One of the ground rules laid down in my family time was of not judging people when they were sharing something, especially since we had a person each from Afghanistan, Nepal, and Sri Lanka, who would have different realities than Indians at many levels. One of my internal resolves was to practice every rule that I lay down, and I took this one pretty seriously given that I was the facilitator for all the family discussions. <br />
<br />
The first tiny challenge came up when Nupur, a sweet family member from Dehradun, said in her intro, ' I don't like rains.' As someone who dissolves into nothingness at the onset of monsoons, my first reaction was to exclaim 'What?! How can you not like rains?! You must be nuts!' But I stopped myself, smiled at her, and said, 'I'm glad you're being honest even at the expense of going against popular opinion. That's what we're getting at here.' This was trivial; there were much more serious differences amongst people. But the moment I listened to someone, I visualised the stubborn, conditioned filter called judgement slowly dissolving away, and almost simultaneously, love seeped in. It felt liberating. This isn't easy to keep doing; I reckon judging has become an automated, subconscious process for all of us, segregating people into 'us' and 'them' on any and every count. But it is more than worth the effort, and I have begun pursuing this ideal.<br />
<br />
<b>Connections make the world go round</b><br />
<br />
What some call (and study as) 'social capital' was so beautifully demonstrated at the conference. Abhishek used to say in his pre-SAYC introductions - 'Who knows, some day a few of these participants will head governments in their countries, and when they look each other in the eye, they will see not the head of another state, but a long-lost friend they once had a great time in a conference with...and then imagine how the negotiations would proceed.' The thought gives me goosebumps, coz I can see it happening for real someday. <br />
<br />
When you get to know someone at a human level, the labels dissolve, and what remains is just that - another human you have bonded with. So many participants went back moved, at having found deep connections in people from across borders. Ayesha was an adorable, chatty girl, not just a Pakistani. Lima was an articulate, budding leader, not just an Afghani. Anirudra (whom we nicknamed 'Colgate' for his ever-present smile) was my family member, not just a Nepali, as was Bhagya ('Jerry')from Sri Lanka. I found someone who said I reminded him of his sister, and another whom I have been really missing. What would one not give to have such amazing, pure, heart-felt connections that you know you can cherish for a lifetime and fall back on anytime?<br />
<br />
<b>The white dove</b><br />
<br />
Peace with others (to me) is having a passionate, heated, almost belligerent, argument about Narendra Modi over breakfast table with a gang you've stayed up all night with, then running for an idli and coming back to a laughing table, joining them in laughing, and going back arm-in-arm like comrades fighting for a common cause. <br />
<br />
Peace is smiling every time I think of the collective chorus of youth from Pakistan, India, Afghanistan and other nations alike shouting for peace, for one South Asia. <br />
<br />
Peace is not trying to dissolve differences, but accepting, embracing, and celebrating them, like we did. <br />
<br />
Peace is what happened over that unforgettable week at SAYC, and what is throbbing as soul force inside every cell of my being.Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-91227257294684603422011-03-19T14:38:00.000-07:002011-03-21T12:05:24.023-07:00Ekla Chalo ReThis, perhaps, might be the trivialization of a poem written during more intense times, but I couldn't think of a better title. Today, this call given by Tagore way back in 1905 was reinforced in my mind a little more, in a small, personal way. <br />
<br />
The first time I learned this lesson was way back in 2003. After being let down on three different occasions by friends, I was almost going to miss watching a movie I had really been looking forward to - Love Actually. Until on a whim, I decided to chuck waiting for anyone to join in and marched off by myself to watch it in Globus Cinema in Bandra. The rows ahead of me were empty - I stretched out my footwear-less feet on the seats ahead, a la Aamir Khan in Rangeela, guffawed and laughed and sighed unto myself, and basically had a good time. Till date, it remains one of my all-time favourite mush movies and I've lost count of the number of times I've seen it.<br />
<br />
A few years later, in 2006, was Omkara. This was a little different. I saw it in a mini-theatre in which there only two women in the audience - the other one was with her boyfriend. Didn't help my awkwardness that the movie started off (and continued with) juicy desi expletives. But I survived. And again, really enjoyed the movie - its darkness, the strong performances, the haunting music that kept growing on me. My mum was horrified at the idea of me watching it alone, asked me if I was nuts, and gave me a stern warning to never do it again. But I had just smiled in response.<br />
<br />
A few movies/plays in between that I can't recollect, and then was DevD in 2009, while I was in my final term on campus. Again, a friend ditched me, in favour of watching it with a group, and I ended up thanking him for enabling me to enjoy that intense a movie by myself. He thought I was being sarcy, but I was only grateful. Being alone let me soak into the movie completely, and into its intoxicating music, the way it had been woven into the plot that the character couldn't have but sung/felt the song at that time. Oh I watched it a second time with Srikrishnan, but that's a different story. <br />
<br />
This <i>keeda</i> had begun much earlier - in Class 11 and 12 - I used to go off to college fests by myself, when most of my classmates didn't want to venture out as much. Over many such events, places, and movies, Ekla Chalo Re ran like an anthem in my head, though not in those exact words. And today, but for this anthem, I would've missed what was one of my purest, finest brushes with art. I first fell in love with Gulzaar's words when I listened to 'Iss mod se jaate hain...', and understood it fully in spirit. From then on I haven't ceased to be amazed at the beauty of his creations. Right from that and 'Tere Bina Zindagi se koi...'to 'O Saathi re', 'Naina', and 'Namak Ishq ka', I have lost count of the number of songs I have been smitten by and he's written (yes, almost always the former has happened before I discover the latter) But to hear and see it live - simple words dancing evocatively to an unsung melody - is quite something. His voice is deeper than I'd thought. And every syllable he speaks is felt - by his lips and emotions alike. As someone who writes poetry herself, I was taken in by how effortlessly he conjured delicious imagery out of thin air - painting a picture of a lonely forest at one time, a shy ,timid bride at another, and a son asking innocent questions to his mother at yet another. The credit here, of course, should first go to Tagore. The vision in all of the poems recited today was his, as was the imagery. But to be able to bring it alive in a different language is also the work of a masterful artist. And Gulzaar did that. He brought Tagore to all of us who had hitherto been held back by the barrier of language. The recital left me with a placid mind and a delighted smile for many hours after that. To think I was almost going to miss this because whomever I asked couldn't come (or didn't want to come) for one reason or another. Yes, thank you, Chikku for urging me to buy the ticket anyway. :)<br />
<br />
That was a slight, indulgent diversion. But my point remains. If no one can see where you are headed and why, go on anyway. They may or may not follow. Either way, you've gained something. At a deeper, philosophical level (which I love slipping into, be warned) we are all alone in our journeys, on our paths. <br />
<br />
And so, 'If they answer not to thy call walk alone...', Ekla Chalo re.Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-61742707363851904392011-02-17T00:52:00.000-08:002011-02-17T00:59:52.811-08:00Carrot over the stickThe other day my mind was wreaking havoc. So much turbulence and frustration welling up inside that I could not bear to look at the comp screen, or even listen to music on it. Strong desire to run away, from everything. Or tearing my hair apart, for reasons that floated about wearily. I've felt this way before. Every time I've tried a different trick to deal with it - usually talking to a close friend, taking a walk, having a cup of coffee, or writing. This time though, I just <br />
suddenly felt like trying Mindfulness - effects of an article I'd recently read(a beautiful, compelling one - thanks to Nandu for passing it on! Find it here - http://www.lifepositive.com/Spirit/Buddhism/Miracle_Mindfulness.asp)<br />
<br />
Decided to pick up a cool carrot straight out of the refrigerator. Peeled it quickly and sat down with it on a chair in my room, with the door shut. Next 5 minutes or so were spent entirely with the carrot - there was no world outside of us. I held it in my hand, gazed and stared at the different patterns of cream embedded just beneath the layer of the glistening red. I felt grateful that it existed and was with me at that moment. Took a small, crunchy bite. Felt my teeth gleefully crushing the juicy piece. Relished the taste thoroughly.<br />
<br />
When I was done, the effect was instantaneous. The turbulence was replaced by a uniform calm. For the rest of the evening(and night), over conversations or thoughts that could've easily brought the frustration back, I felt serenity - like a thin wall of energy layering my consciousness, keeping negativity or angst from touching it. Felt powerful and at peace. <br />
<br />
Mindfulness is grossly underestimated. And so are carrots.Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-50030547588574778862011-01-18T04:08:00.000-08:002011-01-18T04:08:08.853-08:00One Fine DayOne Fine Day it never happens,<br />
One Fine Day it seldom begins.<br />
One Fine Day is too far away,<br />
One Fine Day is not even a day.<br />
<br />
One Fine Day is a shoddy excuse,<br />
One Fine Day is the present's abuse.<br />
One Fine Day is a euphemistic goodbye,<br />
One Fine Day ensures you never try.<br />
<br />
One Fine Day no one will care,<br />
One Fine Day you won't even dare.<br />
One Fine Day means you won't ever,<br />
One Fine Day is laziness being clever.<br />
<br />
One Fine Day is as vague as it gets,<br />
One Fine Day is inviting regrets.<br />
One Fine Day is to put ideas to bed,<br />
One Fine Day you and I will be dead.Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-35778189160045511132010-09-30T10:14:00.000-07:002010-09-30T10:19:11.415-07:00A dialogue within (I) | Body talk'I belong to you, you belong to me'<br />
'Oh really?!', screamed my body.<br />
'You don't relate to me much,<br />
nor take good care as such.<br />
Where are you when I cry out in pain,<br />
trying to get your attention in vain?!'<br />
<br />
'I'm right here, and I want to listen.<br />
With vitality I will make you glisten.<br />
Just talk to me aloud and speak out,<br />
instead of sulking with a pout.'<br />
<br />
'My ways are many and subtle,<br />
often making you run and scuttle.<br />
The pain that bothers you so,<br />
is my voice, didn't you know?!<br />
The more you ignore, the louder I will yell;<br />
my story the agony will tell.<br />
If you take a moment or two to be still,<br />
I will talk to you; I will.<br />
<br />
Doctors are needed not,<br />
right here lies what you've sought.<br />
Breathe, and allow us to reconnect,<br />
never letting yourself disconnect.<br />
For if you do,<br />
let me warn you,<br />
it will get worse -<br />
you have seen me rehearse!<br />
Come back to me and love me like before;<br />
we shall stem the tide and reach the shore.<br />
<br />
It's mutual care, my dear.<br />
Why store pain and fear?!<br />
Set me free and I shall do likewise;<br />
together in harmony we shall rise,<br />
towards good health, energy, and zest.<br />
Let me govern, give your mind some rest.:)'<br />
<br />
'You speak so true, and I hear you now.<br />
To your wisdom, I humbly bow.<br />
I will pause and listen every once in a while<br />
Keep talking, body, in your inimitable style!'Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-91460733121736533192010-09-30T10:06:00.000-07:002010-09-30T10:06:47.204-07:00A dialogue within (II) | Mind matters'It's amazing how much you control me;<br />
I want some peace, but you just won't let me be!<br />
Pushing and pulling in every possible way,<br />
you tire me out every single day.<br />
Though you're in me, you have a life of your own;<br />
I can't remember when these seeds I'd sown!'<br />
<br />
'You sowed these seeds everytime you let me go -<br />
Allowed me to turn from a friend into a foe.<br />
I'm restless and fidgety and needed to be whacked.<br />
But instead, my whims you merrily backed.<br />
Even some loving discipline would've done,<br />
but you let me recklessly run.<br />
And so now I no longer ask;<br />
My impulses I enticingly mask'.<br />
<br />
'Entice you do, take me on many a manipulative trip,<br />
until on my emotions I have zero grip.<br />
You create fanciful worlds, complex games, and drama,<br />
but heeding you creates such a hungama!<br />
I want to take charge, give shape to my life,<br />
not let your volatile swings fill me with strife.'<br />
<br />
'You can do that, my dear', said my mind,<br />
'Some stillness and solitude you must find.<br />
Let me jump around while you sit and observe.<br />
Be my master, let me serve.<br />
Meditation and awareness will get you there,<br />
absolute responsibility you must bear.<br />
For left to me, I won't give up control;<br />
you risk a burning heart, a crying soul.<br />
So seize power, seize it now!<br />
Show me who's the boss, make me bow.'<br />
<br />
'Oh mind, I set off on this quest again!<br />
This time though, not in vain.<br />
The pursuit of mastery is an on-going one;<br />
riddled with challenges, sprinkled with fun.<br />
You shall aid my growth, not impede it.<br />
I will keep you in check, agile and fit.<br />
You are a worthy ally once I show you your place.<br />
This unique relationship I hereby embrace.'Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-60235897684191762922010-09-30T10:02:00.000-07:002010-09-30T10:02:30.329-07:00A dialogue within (III) | SoulspeakWho am I and who are you?<br />
Questions that are anything but new.<br />
You are oft referenced, but seldom understood.<br />
Do you stand for all that's good?!<br />
<br />
'Good and bad are your labels,<br />
I come from the land of fables.<br />
Without a beginning, without an end -<br />
can your mortal mind comprehend?<br />
You and I are separate and yet not,<br />
<br />
I am what you have always sought.'<br />
'You confuse me with all this.<br />
Are you saying you are the source of all bliss?<br />
How are we separate; in what ways same?<br />
<br />
"You are me", can I not claim?!'<br />
'Try to think and you risk losing sight;<br />
move away from me and you create this plight.<br />
I am to be experienced, not deciphered.<br />
<br />
I am the shepherd, you are the herd.<br />
I am a fragment of the divine,<br />
my voice is a Universal sign.<br />
Just like the flame that belongs to a fire,<br />
I am a part of consciousness higher.<br />
But the flame unto itself is also whole,<br />
so is complete every human soul.<br />
<br />
Your 'I' is your ego; it makes you 'you,'<br />
weaving reality around your worldview.<br />
Ego keeps you distinct, but also separates;<br />
creates conflicts with the 'others', your earthly mates.<br />
I am your anchor, your link to all that IS,<br />
the timeless connection that is never amiss.<br />
Connect with me, see the miracle unfold;<br />
at every step, your hand I will hold.<br />
I have brought you forth and will take you back.<br />
With soul by your side, there's nothing you lack.'<br />
<br />
'Such profundity has come my way -<br />
guide me, oh soul, night and day.<br />
Lift my spirits, make me congruent and whole,<br />
that I may retain the truth as I play my worldly role.Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-38352953918945730252010-01-04T00:39:00.000-08:002010-01-04T00:39:03.116-08:00I don't know'I don't know'<br />
is an excuse<br />
a way of saying 'I don't want to know'<br />
or that I haven't bothered to<br />
nor will I bother right now.<br />
<br />
'I don't know'<br />
is a closed door<br />
slapped shut in your face<br />
a way of avoiding further questions<br />
A shrug that's a full-stop.<br />
<br />
'I don't know'<br />
is allowing confusion to stay,<br />
vagueness to remain.<br />
'I don't know' is an escape.<br />
<br />
But<br />
'I don't know'<br />
can also be an admission of ignorance<br />
a show of humility<br />
like a parent saying<br />
'I might not always know'.<br />
a new beginning - <br />
'I don't know yet,<br />
but I'm willing to find out'.<br />
'I don't know' is opening up<br />
to the world of multiple answers<br />
<br />
'I don't know'<br />
can as much be a first step<br />
as the last one.Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-89409398432543847532009-12-15T05:40:00.000-08:002009-12-15T06:27:54.058-08:00Onward in the search: creating a 'role'The process of deciding the title of a post is an interesting one - not so much for literary value as for the fact that it reflects the purpose and focus of the post. Since the same event can have different connotations depending on how one looks at it, this is simply a process of attaching meaning. If this sounds cryptic, you'll know what I'm talking about as you read on.<br /><br />The book of my exploration has moved forward by one more chapter. To some, it might seem regressive. But to me, no experience is - not as long as one's learning from it. Newer mistakes every time. My role at TFI didn't work out, and I ended my stint there in a month. This is an event from last week. I had a candid conversation with the CEO, and we were both uncomfortable with my continuing in the EA role. Simply put, I wasn't built for it, nor was it giving me what I was looking for. I detected and corrected a flaw in my original premise - that observing Shaheen closely to learn from what she has created, would still be a second-hand view. I wasn't getting my hands into any of the things I wanted to build on - thereby not 'experiencing', only observing. The experience that my work there might have given me (apart from 'stability' - that evasive creature) would've been of a different kind - but not necessarily in the area of my strengths or taking me closer to my purpose.<br /><br />No experience is in vain, so I won't dispute the merit in sticking on to it for longer despite the role or work not fitting in my scheme of things. However, a part of me kept me from committing to the work fully; that part which is craving for expression. This no longer became about a second-switch, as much as about giving myself a complete chance. So also, not committing after taking it up was my mistake, but I daresay the original mistake was taking it up in the first place without putting myself in the role and imagining what a day in my work-life would look like. Whether it would truly give me joy. I jumped at the chance for 'liberation' that I spoke about in my previous post, so much that I failed to think through this completely. Anyway, I have no regrets. Only lessons.<br /><br />I could've titled this post 'Goodbye TFI' or 'Why I decided to move out', but in an instant realized that it would amount to defending the decision or giving an explanation. You might see some of the latter in this post, but the former is quite unnecessary. It's tempting to defend oneself when there are attacks from all around, albeit well-intended ones. But the point is to redirect that energy towards looking inward - what went behind the events, what I learn and take ahead from this, and where I intend going from here. Criticism sure can, and has been draining - especially for an idealist who also wants to see people around her happy. Hence the conscious attempt to move away from defense and look forward.<br /><br />The reactions this time round have been a little different, obviously. The people who disapproved of my quitting HUL have expressed an even stronger disapproval of leaving TFI. Peers who admired that move towards 'finding what you want to do' are now intrigued and curious - several have asked me for regular updates on what I am upto and have shown a keen interest in seeing what shape this takes. My own questions within have somewhat changed - only the quest remains as it were.<br /><br />Where to from here? The world of possibilities is open in front of me. Another name for this is Ambiguity. Uncertainty. Chaos. In a state where I want to do ten different things, all of which I either enjoy doing or am good at, the challenge is to prioritize and focus. Writing, teaching, theatre, voice-overs, workshops...it's a long list. And a promising one. I want to know what my role in the larger scheme of things is. What is my life's purpose? A philosophical question like this deserves more than just dinner discussions - and I'm willing to give it that.<br /><br />The ocean has begun showing its turbulence...I'm learning to swim.Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-55904300051240956962009-11-08T09:25:00.000-08:002009-11-08T17:48:31.710-08:00To an end...and a new beginningIt's been a year and a half since this blog saw some activity. Now as I turn the page on my last chapter, and begin a new one, the time is right to pause and take a look back. And ahead.<br /><br />Last few months have seen a whirlwind of activity within. The recurring, albeit stray thought that I ought to be doing something meaningful with my life, came back with an unanticipated vengeance; and rightfully so. I hadn't given it its due. This time round, the thought ravaged my insides until I lived through the storm, and emerged to see the clear, blue sky. What peace clarity brings with it!<br /><br />A simple switch, actually. I've quit Hindustan Unilever Ltd. (HUL) to join Teach for India (TFI). From being a Sales & Marketing trainee to being the Executive Assistant to the CEO. My new job starts tomorrow.<br /><br />Calling it a 'job' almost seems demeaning. It's a response to all that I've been asking myself for years now. A respite, lest I grew into a muttering old granny going around telling kids 'I've always wanted to do something in Education. Maybe someday I will.' An answer to a calling; my heart's calling. It's an open door, a mighty promising one at that. It's an escape and an escapade, a station as well as the train, an answer and the start of a million new questions, a clue as well as the treasure itself. It's a test as well as a reward for the one just cleared. Above all, it's regaining some lost respect in my own eyes.<br /><br />I wish the journey to arriving at this stage could be verbalized and put here for you to read. Words won't do justice to it all. Snippets would have to do for now. Like how I'd told Shaheen, TFI's CEO, when she'd come down to campus for a guest lecture that being from IIM A is actually making me feel more cramped than liberated. Armed with that coveted qualification, I should find it easier to do as I pleased and feel absolutely secure, right? Wrong. Quite the contrary. The expectations were enormous. From family, to start with. From people around. Friends and batchmates. Somewhere, even from myself. So much so that the tried and tested path seemed 'safer' and 'more sensible' as opposed to testing uncharted waters. But if there's one thing I've realized after all these months, it's this - one might ignore the inner voice, but one can't silence it. Like Sukhi (my ERI facilitator, and now one of my spiritual mentors) says, 'Once the soul knows the truth, it will not let you rest until you've acted upon it.' How very true. Thanks, Sukhi. You've shown me what I refused to see.<br /><br />One could argue that I'm making a big deal about a small event. But ofcourse, my life's a big deal to me. Just like yours would be to you. Inside my world (I invite you to step in and take a look), this move represents 'liberation'. From external influences and internal fears, from my self-imposed limitations and stunted dreams. From confusion and misery and restlessness. Oh I'm a happy creature all right. Only that some quiet, alone evenings would bring back the question - 'What am I doing with my life?' Just that, a movie like Hazaaron Khwaaishein Aisi and the dialogue by the protagonist 'I was an arrogant, educated girl who thought she could change the world. Until I saw reality.' made me cry with desperation. Was afraid I was not too different from her. What stopped me all this while? Lack of conviction and courage. I was neither here nor there. Felt these pangs once in a while, but still didn't have the commitment my dreams asked of me; the commitment to give this a serious thought and take the plunge with utmost faith. A few weeks of working in a corporate, and this instinct surged to the fore. Life has never been the same again.<br /><br />Oh I have much to thank HUL for. It's a wonderful, wonderful organisation. The people are sharp, smart, and good to work with. I had a blast with my fellow trainees. The organization nurtures its people. It gave me choices to reconsider and stay on. But I could not connect to the work, to the organization's objectives. During a guest lecture in Enterprise and Innovation in Education (EIE) at IIM A, the Principal of Sahyadri Valley School had told me during one of our in-between class discussions- 'If the employee's personal objectives don't make him work towards the organization's objectives, there's bound to be conflict. It's only when the objectives of both are aligned that a person can perform his best, and for longer.' I saw this in practice with HUL and me. So much for gyaan that comes back to you at a later date, becoming 'wisdom' from a mere 'funda'!<br /><br />What saddens me a little though, is the look in the eyes of many who congratulated me. Ofcourse, it feels good to be told that one is inspiring and bold, but reading in between the lines (and into the eyes) told me that there were many around who were itching to either find their passion, or having known what it was - give it its due. It's pointless to philosophize beyond this point in this particular post, so we'll reserve that for another day. All I can say is that the response from my colleagues and some very senior managers in HUL, my professors and gurus alike has been heartening, heartwarming, and humbling.<br /><br />Many have stated 'So you're finally doing what you wanted to do', in a manner that suggests a conclusion of sorts. An end of a search. Not really. There's much to unearth and explore, and I haven't even begun scratching the surface. This is the first chapter in my book titled 'The search for meaning and purpose.'<br /><br />Wish me luck - I've taken out my boat and the oars, and am ready to face the sea.Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-78059793231890409052008-04-24T08:10:00.000-07:002009-11-08T09:24:29.369-08:00An explosion of a different kindAll is quiet and peaceful. Until suddenly, you're on a roll. Someone's just doused you with a tank full of crispy cool water in the middle of summer and sent you rolling down a water slide - you land with a splash into a pool. And start gasping with excitement. Possibly bobbing up n down in there as well.<br /><br />That's how an idea hits me. And no, it's usually not just one. They come like an army - Determined. Energized. Blinding. They march straight into my head; going all over the place like a swarm of bees. Almost like an explosion. Leaving me gasping.<br /><br />I don't know what is it with ideas and me?! (Didn't I warn you this blog would have a lot of 'me'?! :P) They seem to love me, and come very unexpectedly. In the middle of the night. When I'm slapping a roti onto the tava. When I'm on a phone call. In the IGP lecture. On the roads. In the train. While gazing at the stars. While sitting at LKP. On the terrace. In the rains. Sipping on a cuppa coffee. Listening to music. Day dreaming. While trying to write a report. While listening to my boss's briefing. While working at office. Like today.<br /><br />An idea can hit me anytime. It's both a cause and an effect. I shall proceed to explain *Ahem!*<br /><br />One can judge an event or an experience on many parameters. Exciting/dull, fun/boring, learnt something/useless, memorable/watevah, blah blah blah...to me, it's simple. One point measure. Stimulation. How much the event/experience, or even person for that matter - stimulated my mind. Evoked thoughts. Not so much what happened outside, but what it changed within. I know the signs by now. Slowly rising pulse. Eventually racing. Eyes darting here n there. Decibel levels increasing when I talk. Slight vibration in my hands. A weird sort of energy. And a mind abuzz with ideas. Loads of them. All kinds. Sometimes, the energy gets too much for me to handle. In fact, most of the times. Unless I give it an outlet. If I don't write/scream/laugh/talk/dance away the energy, it can get very bad. I could be found jumping up n down on the couch. Or throwing my hands in all directions in gestures that seem meaningless. Or could even look like my face is about to burst - it shines n glows, my cheeks turn red with excitement. Sometimes, it becomes a frenzy. And if I don't release the energy, it results into physical pain. ("Huh?! What?! Aw come on....you gotta be kidding!" *sigh* I knew you wouldn't believe this one. Never mind. You can call me a weirdo if that gives you a reason to believe) Which is when I do something like what I'm doing write now. Even as I occasionally clutch my right shoulder to try n stop it from paining. *ouch*<br /><br />It can get distracting if it happens in the middle of a lecture. Which it has. Many a time. Being in the institute that I am in, I'm not surprised. IIM A has quite a few brilliant profs. People who perhaps don't need to teach, but do it only coz they love teaching. They're madly passionate about their subject, and are capable of evoking that passion in anyone who steps in with an open mind. I have, many a time. And have stepped out clutching my shoulder, or hand, or head. Sometimes, it's been too much too take. I mean, firstly the prof's too good. Secondly, that morning's good and I'm in class with an open mind. Thirdly, the lecture unravels itself so beautifully. The process kicks in. I have often been left perplexed and helpless, as my mind wildly races from the hills of Switzerland and what kind of a house I'd like there to what the Education minister should be doing with schools right now. *Buzzzz* Until the prof.'s voice fades away, and I can hear only my own. Lots of them, going off at the same time. Very soon, I'm in my own world. Oh all's well until I get cold called and jolted back into reality. With the guilt that I took off on a trip in the middle of an amazing lecture. But what could I have done - the very lecture was the cause - don't you see?!!<br /><br />I first started jotting down thots on the last pages of my full scape books. Until they started eating from backwards into the actual notes. I now carry an 'Idea diary' or more aptly titled 'Random Thoughts'. I remember reading sometime - Alyque Padamsee once said somewhere - "The secret of my creativity is this -" And he held up a pen and a diary. "I carry this with me all the time." Trust me, he's right. I can safely get back to my lecture now, once I've got one rush of ideas outta my way, until the next batch strikes...<br /><br />So that's what happened today, Imli. I started talking to Bhupi (a co-intern from IIM B) about my current confusions, my passion, my dreams...ahhh! my dreams. They send me on a frenzy too. All it took today was me starting to talk about making a difference, doing something about education, how would I do it and when, what would happen to my livelihood, material comfort, the other random things I've always wanted to do...like theatre...RJing...exploring the interiors of India..venturing out on my own...and there I was on another one of my trips. Only that this time round, operational issues kicked in and I started thinking about my 'dreams' more seriously. For longer. Which pushed up the energy even more. *Sigh*<br /><br />And now here I am, in the middle of the night trying to regain my lost composure. Any ideas, anyone?!<br /><br />Did I just say 'ideas'?! Aaaaaarrrrgghhhhh!<br /><br />P.S - I'm all set to be blown away anyday ;)Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-49223398693240879122007-06-13T02:01:00.000-07:002008-05-29T10:05:51.366-07:00In pursuit of The OneIt wasn't his day. Night, rather. Or day actually, since the day here begins at 12 am, literally.<br /><br />He'd been identified long back as 'The ONE'. The one who'd be stared at even as he'd drip wisdom with his every word. The one who'd never be taken seriously, for geniuses never are. The one who'd be laughed at simply coz he was above the lesser mortals...The one who's innocence would be his undoing as he'd be hunted down by a pack of nasty kids-on-the-block...his fellow 'preppies' it seems. The One.<br /><br />It all began with a harmless b'day celebration. Jeetish Bansod. The guy whose secret desire was to sing 'Yeh mera Dil...' for Helen. We made sure it got fulfilled. (Didn't someone tell you we're angels?) The b'day boy did have quite the time of his life. We ensured that the Ponds face wash tube he'd secretly purchased at Himalaya Mall would get completely used up. In fact, we ensured that the face wash tubes of all alike would be empty the next day. The taps were barely spared. But the buckets were put to good use.<br /><br />(Adv: Whoever said cake was only for eating?! Come to us. Play Holi of a different kind. In sweltering June. Fee: One kg Blackforest cake and a bucketful of cold water. Guaranteed returns.)<br /><br />Of course, there was one who was quick enough to flee before his face was decorated. One who thought he'd be spared. The One.<br /><br />It didn't take long for the rest to figure out. You can't miss the one who everyone wants to get back at. (Don't ask for what. That is bound to remain a mystery for life. Too bad for him)<br /><br />Within moments of the realisation dawning, people collectively resolved, wiped off the cream that clung lazily to their noses n chins and crept up D13 - his abode. He wasn't there. Smart fellow. Knew people would come seeking him. Full plans of absconding. If only the others wouldn't be smarter...<br /><br />Something had to be done. Reliable sources revealed that he was to visit the chimp's room in some time to watch a movie. People stealthily moved to the new campus. Ok, laughing n sneering n hooting is not exactly 'stealthily'. Yet.<br /><br />But what if he'd know? There was no way of verifying.<br /><br />And then, the inevitable happened. The One walked into the trap himself. One of the comrades had his precious possession which he had to retrieve - his hard disk drive. She put on her most innocent tone, convinced him that she didn't know what was on, and was in fact taking a walk at the LKP. Quite believable. Especially the last part. At any time of the day. Or night.<br /><br />They decided to meet near the underpass so that she'd pass on what was anyway his. And probably join them for the Telugu movie. Quite unbelievable. At any time of the day. Or night. He should've known.<br /><br />And then he committed a second error. Called a second comrade to invite her for the movie. She very wittingly said that she was with the first comrade anyway and would see him at the underpass. The trap was laid. No bait was needed. He was walking into it himself. Literally.<br /><br />The underpass, at an unearthly hour, saw excited movement. About 8-10 odd people, armed with remnants of the cake, now waited behind the bushes, poised for an attack fit for a battle. It was war time.<br /><br />He walked. With one ear glued to the cell phone. Eyes glued to the approaching comrades. Would've been too risky to let him walk by himself. They virtually escorted him. Lucky chap.<br /><br />He'd just taken a shower. Scrubbed himself squeaky clean. Even better.<br /><br />Then it all happened. In a blinding flash of activity. Junta screamed n pounced. He screamed n ducked. Too late. In a matter of moments it was all over. What was left was his inimitable expression, and the greasy, sugary cream that clung to every inch of his face. Silence erupting into triumphant laughter. Slaps on the back. Pics. Gleaming, mocking faces.<br /><br />The ambush was succesful. All would sleep in peace. All, but one. The One.<br /><br />It's not just cricket where they take his case. Maybe it just wasn't his day.<br /><br />Actually, it never is.Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4809479905835029381.post-26692433214994965312007-06-06T05:48:00.001-07:002007-06-06T06:23:13.157-07:00What is this all about?<span style="font-family:georgia;">I write, therefore I am.<br /><br />Grrr...wish I could crumple that into a nondescript paper ball n throw it into the bin!<br /><br />Tempted to try and think of the 'perfect' beginning to this blog...but like a zillion other times - I would've ended up waiting for eternity...coz there ain't no such thing as a 'perfect' beginning...or is it?<br /><br />The truth is that I have begun. (Woah!) And that it has taken a lot for me to get here...no no, not those hours of searching for the 'perfect' name (there I go again!)...this is about all that went on inside my head before I got myself to blog.<br /><br />'What's the big deal?!'<br /><br />Sighhh...the scene is that with me (as you will gradually realise) even seemingly tiny things are big deals...well, call that magnified living if you please...anything but 'blowing it outta proportion'! I'm not, ok!<br /><br />The truth is I don't know what is this all about...or do I?<br /><br />I've always loved writing - to myself and others. But then, that was selective writing. For a selective audience. Not a public space where I'd put up a part of myself for others to see and comment on.<br /><br />Ahhhh...there...now we're talking! Allow me to explain.<br /><br />Too many questions - What will I write about? Who would read it? Would any one even want to read all of THAT? Am I writing only for someone to read it? Will what I write (and how) be driven by comments from friends and strangers? Have I learnt to deal with unsolicited judgements? Am I mature enough to detach myself from what happens once I press the 'Publish Post' Key? Or is it ok to be attached in the first place? What will this lead to? Does it even matter? Will I be consistent? Will I even begin?!!<br /><br />Questions. Like the grass that spreads to make the garden its home - questions have flourished ever since I've let them into my life. My mind virtually swims in those of all kinds...naah, aint complaining...love them...well, most of them :)<br /><br />Haan..so like I was saying - a lot has gone into the creation of this space (more on 'space' some other time) The question (again?!) now is - what is this all about?!<br /><br />It's about me thinking out aloud. It's about me yearning to express. It's about a glimpse into my life. Into my mind. It's about a glimpse into your own. It's about things you may never have thought of. It's about those which you always had on your mind. It's about listening to a new voice. It's about realising that the voice is actually within you. It's about indulging in the abstract. About engaging in pseduo-philosophy. It's about drawing out meaning from meaninglessness. It's about wanting to reach out. About wanting to scream out n say to the world 'Hell, life can be way better than this!' It's about offerring a sneak peak into a dream life. It's about showing that there are other ways. About realising that there is no need to show anyone anything. It's about me blabbering on and on. It's about you reading all of THAT.<br /><br />It's about you. It's about me. More about me I guess (How does it matter?! Errr...mebbe it does)<br /><br />So...looks like we are headed somewhere aren't we... ;)<br /><br />Cheers to a new beginning!<br /><br />P.S - I'm excited! :D</span>Akankshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06805719854822578441noreply@blogger.com14